The McIntyre Report — in Poetic Form

The Professor, the Policeman and the President

President Barack Obama, Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sergeant James Crowley walk from the Oval Office to the Rose Garden of the White House, July 30, 2009.

President Barack Obama, Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sergeant James Crowley walk from the Oval Office to the Rose Garden of the White House, July 30, 2009.

There once was a Harvard Professor named Gates,
Who came back from China quite late.
Alas, his door was quite jammed.
Then with his shoulder he slammed
But the door wasn’t about to cooperate!

An elderly lady had viewed the whole scene,
And begged Lucia Whalen to intervene.
Her 911 call summoned Cambridge’s finest.
Four squad cars with the bravest,
And Sergeant James Crowley leading the team.

Now the Professor was inside on the phone.
Property management needed to come to his home.
He thought they had arrived pretty quickly,
But instead it was only Crowley.
“Sir, could I speak to you alone?”

The Policeman requested some ID
Though signs of a break-in he didn’t see.
Professor Gates got very upset,
And promised Crowley he would regret
Profiling a black man such as he.

“Sir, the burglary report had to be heeded
And it wasn’t my intention to have you mistreated.
If you just tone it down,
In a few minutes I’ll head back to town.
My coffee and donuts to be completed.”

The Professor was shocked and dismayed.
“Is this a joke that’s being played?
Or is it because I’m black,
That you’ve gone on the attack?
If I was white would you have been so afraid?”

The Policeman escorted the Professor outside.
“You’ll be charged for disorderly conduct if you don’t abide.”
“But I’m in my own home!” he did shout.
“Can’t a black man in America be given the benefit of the doubt?”
So back to the station he did ride.

Was this racial profiling, I ask?
Should the Policeman be taken to task?
Or if the Professor had kept his cool
Maybe he wouldn’t have been made a fool.
Given a mug shot for his Halloween mask!

Predictably, Ann Coulter and Al Sharpton appeared on Larry King,
To discuss this horribly overblown thing.
She claimed that racial profiling doesn’t exist,
Then he vented that it always persists
Well, what do you expect when two clowns enter the ring?

Alas, the real racist did appear!
A Boston cop named Justin Barrett did declare.
He ranted and retorted,
“How could Boston Globe’s Abraham have supported
The respected Professor’s side in this affair?”

Barrett’s take on the issue was quite candid.
Had it been him the resolution would have been splendid.
He would have donned his pointy hat and white suit,
And sent Gates back to his roots.
After that his fall from grace was quite rapid.

Well, President Obama ultimately weighed in.
Defending his friend who had been
Treated stupidly by Cambridge’s best.
But his comments only increased the tempest.
Polls the next day registered the President’s chagrin.

Quick to undo his folly,
The President decided to host a jolly
He proclaimed, “I have all the power,
So let’s host the first Presidential Happy Hour.”
Men everywhere cheered: “Good Golly!”

So the Professor, the Policeman and the President
Met on the White House lawn for a “teachable moment.”
With their beer glasses in the air
They regretted that Lucia couldn’t be there.
For better relations with Iran, could this be a precedent?

So what have we learnt from this incident my friends?
Despite a black President, we try to pretend.
Disagreements between the races
Are still headed in the wrong places.
Simple common sense and respect would have made amends.

Andrew McIntyre is a contributer to Carib Press

Photo from The White House Blog (official White House photo by Pete Souza)

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